Is it okay to feel like this?

Is it okay to feel like this?

The weight of the world unbalanced and standing within the pit of your stomach

The thoughts of fear

The longing of prior

The nervousness of beyond

Is it okay to feel like this?

The pressure of the road walked and the path ahead seemingly disappearing within the shine of the tears that currently envelop the eyes

The world battling for your attention as you battle for the attention of your self

Fighting the signs, symbols and omens that you think may not end up going your way

Is it okay to feel like this?

To dream of the time where the most worried you were was getting home drunk from an all-night bender

To wistfully think about the bottles of wine consumed to block the pain rendered useless as this condition pleads for none

Is it okay to feel like this?

To wallow in the doubt of fear and the fear of doubt

To request the sanctity of being free from these thoughts

To recapture a mind with whom I am no longer acquainted with

Is it okay to feel like this?

On the cusps of a black hole textured to look like an epiphany of where life begins, began will begun

The placating of one’s self challenged by the relentless nature of what is, will be and whats to come

The unknowing of whom you are

A grown woman

Becoming a little girl lost

Being a little lost

Looking around because damn I’m lost

I’m at a lost and it brings me down

Little girl blue

Little girl blue

A dark cloud settles and the gloom begins to set in

Reversal of time or is it time lost

This little girl blue is on a boat in unknown territory and seems lost

The roughness of the waves

The sway within their force

This little girl blue is now on an unchartered course

Winning to find but only finding the loss

Little girl blue

A sadness washed within her eyes

Little girl blue

The gleam of lightening brightens the sky

Little girl blue

But this little girl is lost

Awaiting landfall on this unchartered course

Little girl blue

Pain of it all

The smell of the saltiness

Through the rise and the fall

Little girl blue

Nothing to say

Because this little girls blues won’t be over today

Our world

Another day another death

The speculating spectrum
leading to regression
wanting to wallow in continuous overt racial oppression

But my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord
The truths of this country marching on while
black man are shot down, character annihilated, trampled over
JUST STAY DOWN
before they make more excuses cuz we just dogs and they need to
PUT US DOWN

That crack sound, revisiting the demons within those crack vials
Revisiting the drug laws of this government "crackdown"
Pushing our heads under water not wanting us to surface
giving us no chance to 
BREATHE NOW (wheeze sounds)

Tis country tis a thy bears no inklings of liberty
elluding it's said sympathy
so many inconsistencies
leading to regime's of anger
by the white supremacy

BUT OUR TRUTHS KEEP MARCHING ON, RIGHT???

Standing on my own 2 feet. How can you walk a mile in someelses shoes when we need to be barefoot

Im often standoffish
Came from the bottom to create my portion
Struggle in my own until i was woken
knowing that people depend on me almost every...day....often
Been there and swam back
Pain is what ive always engulfed in
My endorphines
Make me break in caution
Life struggles created a warrior who will stand on the top of this barrier
I been here before

Often....

Take the angst of your life into me because i already do it so often
The rapture is upon us but you still feeling good because i embodief your abhorrent

See no evil because i already faced the clouded black eyes and fear of his offering

Choose good or evil is the fight that appears often....paralyzing feel because i need to be powerless to his offering

I used to kill with non conformance and be steeled
To survive this life often

Reinvest in a life who's dividends have not got you there often

Worked so hard to survive
And now im questioning all it
I do the devils work
Im gods child and i spoil it

I am powerful beyond words and so scared i ignore it
The valley allowed me to lay around and be in the darkness
Because his light has always supported
Even when i felt u supported
When i recked myself and put my self in a bubble of no supportives

My levees of life have broken down
But im holding up for it
Life has smacked me down but i have never ignored it

Satiated the causes
Slamming all the doors you opened up for it

I cant see around or move my mouth to think peace will award it

The rapture is beginning
Are you ready to choose a side for it or ignore it?

Abba is my truth and he makes it rewarding

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Because i am the one who could"

Bet on this knowledge i need you to get often

I am a powerful enigma so satan will lean on me often

He will try to disrupt me often
He will try to destroy my strength often
He will try to turn me around from the road i have beating here and walked barefoot with bo shoes by making me embody

Constant

Detouring

My life is open to let you understand where this is going
Tend to the sheep and build so that our shepards ways are open

I constantly feel the choking
From not being open or
knowing where i am going or
how quick i will be going or
how disappointed i can be in slowing
relapsing the growing
only to reflect and be knowing

Only to except
Discombobulated flowing

My perception of things are not knowing...
There all knowing

My rights and dreams have been flowing
My light it seems is still growing
We can go back in things but the realization and eveidemce
makes alive and still growing

I will leave my heart open because the dark that thinks it can win will be surprised at the weight of the light it fights and tells  to cease growing

It appears in the end

Living in honor and finding honor are 2 different things.

I was lost and crushed and he changed my life

Perception is everything
He changed my life

Couldnt discover how much it hurt to live my life...drilled through the hard shell of me cutting off people in this life

Wanted all his knowledge because it raised my life

Pay attention to details because he taught me right

Ability to be in a free world and do whats right

All hope was given
By you in my life.

I made a decision to change hearts
like you did for my life

It was an end but the beginning of the road within my life

I have risen because the strength you gave me for my life

A student but a client
You helped me survive my life

I want to give thanks for you having helped develop my life
Whether you ever know it or not i need you to understand your hand was prevelant within this life

Im a better person because of you in my life
I love you dearly
You will be here forever through writing and having touched this life

I will never forget.....
How you changed my life

I love you Dr. T

Taxedermy

I feel stuffed
Life ripping out my internal organs
Propping me up so i adhere to its demands
Going through the motions of playing dead The mask in place
With all the fads we chase
The choices we make
The promises we break
The continuity we can lose in a second never to replace
The forgotton tools of reforming it all within a better space
Mind was in a better place
My mind used to be in a better place
 No paparazzi Anonymy is what makes you never see this face
Monogomy in a facetious way
Can't let the media and normalizing of violence lead the way
We need to pray
Never let the ends justify the means by this way
Never go back to the days of lethal way
Our children are dying
Yet yall motherfuckers still won't lead the way
Yall the reason why our kids are struggling and live to be this way
Grow up to be this way
Don't get mad at me I just say what we all want and need to say
Let him lead the way
You never can see this way
Unless you are smart and woke enough to see this wayl

Soul shaker

The lives we lead are challenged by the lives we led

No hope or judgement just what was the best for in our heads at that time and place

Memories pulled from the mind
That seemed forgotten over time
Held less semblance over time

Led less strenuous in my mind

The world is turning so jump on the amnemities
Of socrates
The embodiment of philosophies
That changes philosophical travesties

Create astronomical catastrophies

But still predict and hold the balance in

The balance within

Me

Not sure of what it held previously

But this continuously
Religiously
Building in me
Will never conform
Or be....

Witness

Its so funny

I take umbrage as a offended black
Afro-American pardon me
a
African-American pardon me
a
Negro pardon me
a
colored pardon me
a
house nigger pardon me
a
field nigger pardon me
a
slave pardon me
a
Inanimate object  for recreational and injustice pardon me
a
part of a tribe that will never be discovered
a
Fuck this no pardon me

"Stick and move, stick and move..." (Notorious BIG)

I remember the first thought that stuck to my brain...
I was 5. I was taught that I needed to understand I already had 2 strikes against me:

1. I was African-American
2. I was female

The other strike that should of placed me out was sickle cell anemia but we have more important things to discuss right now

I grew up in Bed-Stuy during the "War on drugs" era better known as the 80's crack epidemic. I used to think those vials that visually captured my mind with those tops in rainbow colors were things left by others for me to play with.

I witnessed the drug and alcohol abuse that went rampant amongst citizens behind closed doors. Not knowing or understanding til later(when I became a criminologist/social worker) it was another form of self medicating to not live life.

I witnessed the war on poverty dismantling neighborhoods, not caring about certain neighborhoods, the beginnings of explointing neighborhoods

I witnessed the struggles of the project life, food stamps and food pantries with that rock solid ass cheese, and white labeled cans.

I witnessed when violence became death, drugs becmae territorial war, color war, pit us against WAR.....

I witnessed the deprecation of the African-American woman, the demeaning and cruel aspects of being free but being a slave to man so not being free....but being free but having to give up my thought process to sooth your thoughts and make you my world

now you wonder why all women want to be independent and non dependent, non-conforming and lead their dreams onward...it's  okay you can keep assautling our hopes and dreams and the barriers we took to
and the reason we the most educated persons in this land as they see.....racism wasnt the only thing systematic

( http://iusedtohavetheblues.blogspot.com/2015/10/women-you-are-beautiful.html?m=1)

I witness the breakdown of the nuclear family

I witnessed the role of Rockefeller continuing to breakdown the nuclear family

I witnessed the take down of all the proud negros who had struggle to succeed in a free world
have that free world create systems
so in that free world they could struggle and never be free

I witness currently the repurcussions of leaving rehabilitation for incapacitation (I studied criminology for a reason)

I witness the lost of rights guarenteed as a USA citizen being stipped for mistakes made so the people most angry can't  vote, cant live in public housing you take my money for, cant get a job, cant get a life....go back to what got me locked up in the 1st place...

A whole new class of degenerates right...

Whoa....

SYTEMS OVERLOAD MUST REBOOT

I witnessed incarcerated individuals having the ability to learn and better themselves stripped away because violence needs to be in cycles or the prison business will be in peril

I witness families destroyed by housing 85%of NYC residents in upstate counties so they can garner more money on their census while we get programs cut and taken away...ahh that cycle again

I witness the hurt and loss and pain when you cant afford or have the means to travel 8hrs for a visit

I witnessed the creation of gangs to combat systems
only to be remade to kill their own systems only to be raised to "kill each system, we need praise..
honor and ego is all we have in this game" cycling the violence in systems

These waters run deep and if we can't open our eyes to see what has led us here and what has got us here...we still that african leading others to our villiage cuz we want to show them love. ..

society makes us trust no one

Now we trust no one

I know what prison looks like...it's a shame almost every other black kid lives this life

I witnessed the policies deepen to hurt
Society deepen to change
Societal measures that have created this game

Let the niggers kill each other
on play and repeat

I witness rascism...the snide comments,
the looks and stares when i accompany a white family

I witnessed that shotgun barrel on my head saying niggas aint welcome

I witnessed being chased off of blocks that said there is no room for niggers here

I remember being indentured servants and i get angry and mad

Because you rather question me on what is bad and what we have and not wanting to take a look back because your bubble allows you to not really feel so bad or feel so sad or real a relief of glad....

(we cant be trusted still..right)

And when they can ...I got a resolution

I witnessed man...these times are abominatims of what im witnessing man...
what i will see in front of me witnessing

Damn

I can't..can you?

When does it stop

Learn the appropriation and desecration of a culture  locked up in systematic and institutionalized rascism before you try to take cover

I grew up here...
you think you know but have no idea

Dont ask why im angry
ASK WHY IM ANGRY
TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY IM ANGRY

If you say nothing your just as guilty

This world for you may have have been rainbows and unicorns but for me

Its always been crazy....

#respeckthislane

King me

Inadvertantly i fell for it
Felt it exist
Silly i feel this is it
How can i know so soon
This might be legit

Im scrambled in shit
But we can make every mix
Take every hit
Be thankful for all this shit
Ease up to be tranquil in it

Is this a mirage cuz
I need to be prepared to be
Disappointed

It fits

Always disappointed and shit
Wrapping the blanket over me
to agree to imbibe in more of this shit

me im more substantial for this
Light, stars and a kiss

No need

King check

For his mate

Cuz he wants for this shit

To be

Or not to be

Fuck it we can handle this shit

No need for a past
This is now lets advance off this rip
Advance to live in
Advance to be in

Our infatuatuous anomly
Is the cause for this shit

Check mate

Tragic

Life snuffed
But im born to corrupt
This story of a life gone is more than enough
Violence and non empathy has been more than enough
I light the candle but the darkness seems to be brighter than enough
Im a change of life founder
How can i get my message higher
Death and death and forgottiness
This is our trancedance
Why cant we come together to end this

As far as it can go
The world is hiding in the shadows i cant let this shit go
I wont let this shit go..
I fall to my knees praying that god can bring me to the know

I cry inside because outside i need to be stronger than you can know

Life

Prayers from brooklyn
Simplistic trash
Perpendicular of my rag
This death swag
has my health bad

My worth is not counted by unwanted measures
We dying in this desert
But that water on the horizon is not a quick fix
It's just a mirage it seems

Love on earth can conquer all things
We all are worthy to conquer more things
Create more dreams
Relate to ALL BEINGS

This earth needs a reboot
This world needs to recoup
We need to recognize truths and pop those bubbles around you

Complacent in an ever flowing symphony of blood
We different on the outer but we all look the same in the inner
Just my own
juxtaposition

Y'all never listen
Why can't yall listen
What will it take for us to listen?

To each other..we may be black or white but we are beutral because we bleed the same colors
Cry for our brothers
Hold faith for our mothers

Ancestors lead a life from suffering just to discover
How better now we have to suffer

Lost and found in zion

The beat of my heart
Encapsulates my mind
I want to embark on this journey
But am left unsure by your responses

My conscious becomes bitter nonsense
Trying to rationalize your incontinence
Wanting to indulge in your horizen
Wanting to grow within us to build these mountains

Breaking of barriers or walls
I fall forward thinking about the past leaves me stricken with fear and not knowing how to move forward

Im a horder of my own dreams
Scared to pull the trigger
So i grieve in what is not
Make plans to be forgot
Push myself further in isolation
Because my defense of self is all thats left that i got

I should of told you sooner

I wanted it too.....

Love

The cards sat stagnant as the game of life played out
Nothing to be worried about
You left me with no worry throughout

Scared of how to get there
Chopped and screwed my share
Wondering how did the fates align again only tp wonder after 15yrs we got here

Wondering why lightening struck but we needed to experience all of such
At a point we were both too much
At a point we both had sucked
to create a life

We both could touch
And revel in what we did to get here

How we rather not sit here
Legit in the knowledge
We will never just sit here

Time cares
The divine shares
Rewrapped in our love to begin again
Loke we always been there
We always been here
Hope we will always be here
Hope that we creat an end to a new beginning and win here.....

Knowing we will creste a new beginning so we can flourish and live here.....

Love

Revelation 3224649061211030124

Revelation
This life became unclean and became dangerous

This experience seems like a average median of the dangerous

A active mean to be blameless

Trying to live the dream but the govt is now my massa and he can be dangerous

Trapping a queen is no less dangerous

This queen bursting at the seams of dreams...  

Shit....

I'm...

trying to fight dangerous

We can regain what we flee
If its not dangerous
We have to fight to believe

Even when its dangerous

We have to watch who we see
Cuz these assholes more dangerous

Watch where we be...because its no less dangerous...

Disregard the message of where and how we see
That remains dangerous

Hitting the books for the youth to all see...how they can be intellectually dangerous

This is my.goal to achieve
I may appear no less dangerous

But when you investigate  (please)
You will really see
how close you came to my dangerous

Don't let it be an irrational thing to want to be more dangerous

Just know rhat this proves...
How many lived i can move
By being this dangerous

Theres never a lack of preservarance only a need to be pushed down
Irregularities that show you the things that had to be pushed down
We are all divided from the things we push down

Trolling on telepathy  because the truth of the martry has to push down
No vocal world changes or how to be put down
No battle rages for us to be put down
No value can save us....if you look up to look down
No thoughts of patience in how to be put down

You.expected me to fail and be led to this push down
Segregation exudes but you want to be good no
I hung from a balance and was waterhoused to be good now
I reckon with savings i can only be pushed now

...same roads of the forsaken..i had to endure now
value is questioned around you to feel sound i was i hung and knowing
No time to forget now
ohanged in growing

Ita no longer  saying...i can no longer say in..the truths of behavior

The constant boost of behavior
To get mad at the savior but cover these plates of ....obstacles...we all have obstacles...wanna cry you a river because the rich think they go to sleep in so many more obstacles
Im done yelling
.just give.me the obstacles

Im done selling look deeper at . obstacles so im still going....even when im at odds to choose
 

Climate change

I never really cared about it
Held no qualms about it
Never thought about it
Til i saw a running pattern
Born the second day of spring
So the world seems to adapt to
A rebirthing
To hold you enrapt too

Snowing during the month of my birth
It hailed in a burst
Lightening striking for worth

Winds going 40-60 mph
Shaking my windows
Sleep evades when this is residential
Sandy took our ease of disbelief when she took all our windows
Our dreams of low lying issues
This is now a boisterous issue

This is now a government issue
We need to recognize these natural disasters will kill you

Why cuz FEMA
You may think it was changed but those homes are forgotten venues

I live in the city
But see the reflects
The now of each breathe
The forgotten qualms of regress
How long they wait to rebranch
How the plant and weather have de-vanced
Volitale reconciled to advance only to be apart of this already set in motion
devolved resolve of the dying our planet
Needs to evolve

We took it way to much for granted
Wish this was a fable from esab

Reminded by death
Typhoons and monsoons
Earthquakes and tremors will react soon
Tornadoes more frequent than tattoos
Tsumanis are here to attack to
When that tide rises
We will react soon
If only we could of reacted sooner
Living in bubbles don't  make it clearer
Ignoring the truth wont fix it sooner
The order of truth is to fix it sooner
We have failed in our use...
To see it clearer

No one believing the truth in what they have to
Depleting the planet of what it has groomed
What the resourses had to adapt to
While living off safe energy may not generate the money but exist in the have toos
Too focused on the money
Not what we need to adapt
Still focused on money
We will be leaving a chance to
Stop this only
Because we now see and believe that we have to

We have to see and not ignore what we have to
No longer playing a game of what have yous
Seeing our planet is dying in
Capsules
Lingering amd ignoring all the battles the war is going to be lost if we dont do what we have to

Nothing matters....at all

I have nothing

I care about nothing

No need of the thoughts in place

Now I can erase

The thoughts of nothing

Sim card relevance

Sim card seperatist

Real hard irrelavance

Serving shade and things cuz we deserve advance

Positively molding them...

To deserve a chance

My valley is weak

But life deserves advance

Positively rolling

to deserve a chance

Life is still going

So promote a chance

Society not knowing

They deserve this chance

Im constantly folding

No one believes they deserve this chance

Embedding knowing

We always deserve advance

I'll keep going so all can deserve a chance

What is created

I still my mind
But yet the life it came
A life has reign
All my ends and outs
my portions and segregations abound

He wears a crown
I need to get down but theres no need to get down

Its been sanctioned
new life is awaiting
No formal chasing
No formal erasing

God has touched and bled and took his time to shed

The blood of your honor
The blood of dishonor

But i wear my truths

Its only never anymore a dishonor

Salvant
Screeching
Born in this honor
Born for this honor

The bible breached it
..she was born in this honor

Forget me not...love living or be left with just existing. -Davinna Thrower

Don't forget the initial
Don't forget all the issues
Don't forget how im real true

To share my story with you

Don't forget you have an end too
Don't forget these eyes that looked in you
Don't forget the lies you lay into
Don't forget the laugh of whom sent you

Don't forget the crazy chick in all venues
Hell raising shit in all venues
Bitch endangered crip
My name is it
Its not the same and shit
Who can we continue to blame for this

Who sent you

How no one wanted me to change and shit
No one realized the game was sick
No on realized the blame of it
No one realized the change it did
No one saw a frightened kid
No one heard the cries of a combat kid
No one knows the effects of PTSD like i did
No one knew the hurt of a closed fist like i did
No one knew the hope to live like i did
No one lost hope in living like i did
Society pulling but no one experienced what i did

No one knew what i did
No one knew what it is
No one knows how tired i' is

No one talked about the entire things
No one ever talked about the lies and things
No one talked about the ripple effect
No one talks about the pain and regret
No one talks about the rape and deflect
The simple regret
The little regrets
The tremendous regrets
The stupendous regrets
The try to end it regrets
The almost ending it regrets

The fact of being here regrets

The fact of being here regrets
The loss of being here regressed

No one talks about the faults and blame
No one talks about my ability to remain the same
Remain the same
Remain the same

No one thinks of a child distained
No one thinks about the flow of things
No.one thinks about the ultimate cause
No one thinks about the individual wars
No one thinks about the past of us in chains
Lynched and hanged
Water hosed missing our rights all the same
War on drugs
And slavery is the same
We lose the abilty to function like 3/5 of a person it hasn't changed

War on poverty
Psychotic idiocracy still remains
I need to start over but fear
the change will remain the same
I need to start over
but the pain remains
We need to start over but internal blames the same

I need to get over.....being changed by things
Lynched in a brain that requires the heak in change forever wrought to try ro exact the change
No one thinks about our resort to change

I am woman
I am vibrant
I refuse to remain silent
I am tireless off my crying
Tireless but still striving
Tireless but still riding

Trying to forget all my grounding
I need to forget all my grounding
Requipped with no silence
I embody all the violence

All i want is silence
All i need is silence
All i achieve and speak on will only be met with more silence

Countless violence
Our blood is spilled within mire violence

I am a teacher, a preacher, a questionable seeker, a thinker, a heavy drinker, a given up creature...a used to be rambunctious leader... a dealer, a healer, a speaker, a poet with immeasurable features
My words are my testimony
My worlds are the future

Ive grown bored with the future
Im forlorn off the future
Im cordorned off from the future
Forced to live each day in war with my ruler
Forced to live in war with a body of no future
Forced to still record the angst of my intruders
Forced to still endure this pain of no future
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW I CAN BE CAUSE TO CHANGE ALL YOUR FUTURES
It is with remorse if you don't change for the future

Nothing

I dont want to think
I never want to think
I want to live in a stupor of non existence
It hurts too much to think
I can not forgive this

I cannot be relentless when im tired of resentment
Im scared of commitment
Need no one knowing how fucked up i live my existence

Im the witness

But the holes i dig are deep and offer no resistance
When i fall
I fall into
An abyss surrounded by malice, guarded by challenge
Revoking the solice
Irrevocably damaged

Irrevocably damaged

Theres no hope for me damaged

I dont want to be
Irreversibly sandwiched
Dont get close to me
I'm emotional challenged

Its no longer in stilled beliefs
My mind is the chalice
Poisoned so don't drink from it

Wondering how i still manage...

Dungeons and dragons

Lost in a circle
Rounding about
Heat on my turbulence
Just riding it out

Hot from the urgency
Hot from insurgency
Hot from reworking me
Hot from....reworking me

Locked in a room
And no key exist
Locked in a room where i don't exist
Locked in a place i can't transist

Locked in my brain
Trying to reboot the shit
Trying to recoup for shit
Trying to be loose with it
Not trying to be losing it

Im ill equipped
Im in the quits
Im in this shit
I need an end to it

I need a friend in this
I ruin my friends and shit
I ruin the glimpse i get
I ruin.....myself as quick

I need to run....
But it cant be done
I cant be done
This fight cant be won

Shit

If i died today

No longer watching the sun rise

No longer waiting to get up after the sunrise
No alarm to go off
No place to spend my life
No place to grow

Only the sunrise

No need to know what exist after the sunrise

No need to persist
After the sunrise

No need to fit in or exist
In the craziness it takes to exist

After the sunrise

No more demons to have fits
No more waking in the middle of the night exist
No more pain in my limbs
No more strain to my zen
No more hate from within
No more judging from within
No more doubt from within

Only the sunrise

No more torturing of this soul
No more balance to behold
No more challenges to be hold
No more fear of the cold

Just the sunrise

No more untamable beast
No more sanctioned retreats
No more cooking relief
No more writing from me
No more doubting, im free

Only the sunrise

No more traveling today
No more blue waters off a bay
No more jumping
out of planes or snorkeling in the A (Asia)

No more experiencing changes
No more opinions on life changes
No more working til i die
No more disease that hurt inside
No more disease to hurt inside

Only just the sunrise

No more questions in the dark
No more equations of whats not
No more challenges to me
No more others left to please

No more  of things i can't take
No telling love ones i need to thank
No more hugs or different chances

No more life or flirty glances

Nothing more left to fix
No more claims that exist
No more trees in the eye line
No more juggling off the sidelines
No more sleepless nights through the nighttime

But the sun rise

Remember the truth
Mortality is not invisible
We garner things to be visible
We harbor things as individuals
We make it seem as if mortality is livable
False hope of our physical
Or busy talk
Just busy thoughts

Oh wait here comes another sunrise

Open your eyes in live people and remember and hold dear to you what you would miss

If you hadn't woke up..this sunrise

Badgers

In my mind
No cohesiveness of existence
Counting instance
I count within this

World of the endless
Words from the friendless

Travesties of macrebe
I always knew there was no chance for me

Fighting through there being no chance for me

Living with knowing there would be no chance for me

Living and growing

Knowing there's no chance for me

Identity showing
In it being no chance for me

Calmness growing
with having no chance for me

I'm still knowing
I took every chance I see

I'm still growing
We still romance in unadvancing see
In
Us knowing

We will never advance in things

We still growing

In living the fantasies
Im still hoping
You give up the fantasies
And keep us growing

To seperate the fantasies

And get on with
Going away from these childish things
House niggas growing
To live in those fantasies

But i know them...
They material fantasies
They embody the fancy things
There are chosen to embody
the shiny things
Niggas glowing
Chasing in a fantasy

I cant hold them to be false because of what they see
Dont wanna know em

I live it to breathe
you live life for....
see

Life is more important than hyping non righteous things

And i still know them
Eradicating our hopes and dreams
Jails is potent
With stifling the lives it ceased

Fighting the growing
Incapacitation of life regimes

We lost the spoken
Who reiterated our lives and dreams

Niggas so spent on lacking in life and dreams
We need some spoken to remember the life and dreams

I'll be outspoken to not table the life and dreams

I have spoken
profess in these life and dreams

I'm  still knowing

I won't regress in selling this life and dreams

I should confess

Don't sleep on how smart we seem

Intellect growing...you think we have forgotton things

I should regress
but you need to understand the life we bring

I should address
Embody the simple things
Egyptian rulers can proclaim
Our vibrant things

Mesopotamia and how we blessed really started things

Egyptian rulers and how no one questioned things
We were rulers
Whether we kings or queens
Simple rulers
Hieroglyphics profess such things

Dont forget we powerful
Even if outside our means

Because I think your confused..... #myblackisbeautiful  #africa #melatonin #slavery #wedontforget #itwasonlyboughtaweekago
#lifeformehasbeennocrystalstairs #immerseinyourhistory #nowaterhose #nolynching #wearenotourgrandparentschildren #wejump  #wewillbeatyourass#shitsnotgoongdownthesame #thatswhyblackpeoplereallydontlikewater

.

It is what it is

I'm that bk banger
Black lives changer
Mortal world changer
The cycle of violence breaker

Im the one thay escaped from all the darkness
Took my ass to school so i can school the block in

Code switching and being resilient
How to prevent shit

In this changing city
From gritty to pretty mirage gritty
Brooklyn ny state of mind in me

Multi-degreed so you believe harder
Street scholar
But fall to my knees to head father

I semi-have faith, i semi-relate, I'm semi-irate

But this is my plate, so im a eat it up

From ganging to glory
This is my story
Im protected by glory
Anointed by glory

Brooklyn raised me
Then it chewed me out
And then it changed me

A girl grew in brooklyn
But it was elohim that saved me

Conditioned fools you need to start to believe harder
Be more then street scholars
So you can dream farther

Pick some cotton
We all still niggas at seperate fountains
If you don't know by now damn you've  frogotton

Back of the bus shit
Emmit still hanging in my circumference
Not protected by gov'ment
Incarcerating our governance

Jom had a hand in segregating all our cities,
souls is empty
But  all the water hoses are not empty

Raped and reprieved
Ancestors hanging on trees
Denying us dreams
3/5 eradicating our means

It was never our dream
We all kings and queens
Let's  not forget about things
That help us hold dreams

Jails just stealing our men
being stolen again
but the ships are the penz
Incapacitation within
War on drugs was the end
It was all set up by them

The war on poverty designed to degenerate our intellectual property
We can't solve it b
When set up for failure in this hypocrisy

Idiocracy
Idiots jumping on idiocraty
Mediocrity
Done with this world
Its a monopoly

Of injustice

Incarcerating all the righteous

Systematically untrustworthy

Burning wood is not a smell delivered to the ghetto
No....burning of sage or
Hickory dickory dock
Cherrywood or oak

GSR, CDR, GFR is more the smell of the revenue
Blocks ain't scared of you

Systematically evolved to still not level with you
It's the hood boss
They have their measures to
Although faded
They want to hold on to something to prove

Instead of growing the tools gifted to them
Lack of utilization makes it rusty
How can you trust thee
when there's no one you can trust...see...

Yet I still can't leave home
I'm the one in my family being gutsy
New York City or bust g
This city has touched me
A girl grew in Brooklyn lacking luxury

Was raised in the south so don't tell me how it must be
Racist enterprise
lack my tone no idea of what it must be
don't make a career on how you protesting what it must be, don't swing your opinion if you never experienced what it must be
no swinging from chandeliers no matter the shade still house nigga in this country

In the midst of crisis.....

Meds kicking in but
I'm just wary'd out
Told me life was a journey
It can be all good and then things turn south
This road is unpaved and lading with worry

This is my pill to swallow
So alone in this journey

I didn't choose this hand but i'll play
I have no choice

But my.....voice
But.....my....voice

But..............my voice
Is even louder than before
Illegal raiding...
at the door to your mind

It took time for me to find

How to walk this line

How to boss this line

How not to cross......the line

Fitful in anger
I get mad at my savior
Mad at my creator
Then mad at my behavior

Life is a blameless game yet we blame and rationalize until we actually believe we can do no wrong

I do wrong, so lets cut the shit

I used to be the chick that cut up bricks

I used to be the girl to me-ow and get those licks

I used to be the chick that took no shit

I used to be the chick that would cut you quick

I used to be the chick that wasn't enticed by pricks

Never enticed by dick

I learned some lessons quick

I'm the survivor who suffers in silence

But choose to live vibrant

Learned how to be less violent

Learned when I didn't need to challenge

Learned its not about the hood you leave

Only about the planting of seeds
So you can grow these teens

I know these things
I have told you things
LIFE HAS SHOWED ME THINGS

I had to get my head right
Want no one to have to experience my life
But get my book when its out so you can understand my life

I will never get my head right

So i try to get through and show these youth what to do
for the future awaits

As of now I still wait for this sickle cell crisis to abate

I'm in so much pain

Writing is my escape

I went from carrying weight
To carrying THIS weight

I'm in my head

Hoping this crisis will erase...

I can only be so lucky

Sickle cell be having me stuck c

Making me judge me, so i think everyone else judge me

Makes me weak and vulnerable
Wondering how anyone can ever love me

Wondering if anyone can ever love me
Wondering if i can ever put down my guard to........

let someone love me

I'm in my head

More to come...

Listen to The preview....its about to get real...stay tuned!!! by Davinna Thrower #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/davinna-thrower/the-preview-its-about-to-get