Minus plus one

Sirens screeching
Yellow flashes
The chill in the air
The hard day weighing on my back

The bitter chill
Cutting through the thoughts left unshielded
I wrap the sweater tighter

The acerbic wind
Tossing the blond trying to stay down but the wind blowing it back up

Wait scratch that and reverse it
Life pushing me down as I try to stand back up

Get a hand up
All I want is to...
Loosen the belt of struggle and pain and learn all over how to man up

Woman up
Women down

The strife blocks the sound
The soundtrack of my life is..

Silent

I used to get violent and violate
Bumping the roots to save my perspective

Hands shaking
Key turning, opening the door to a old new beginning
Only to realize the inside is dark

I flick the switch
Shadowing in the light
Placing bags down happy for the heat of here

I call out
Then I remember

This house is empty
This soul seems empty
I still come home to

Waking up alone
The experiences of the day
Never being released

Forced to wander in my head
Always in my head
Im always in my head

I guess this is why even when im surrounded
I'm still so very alone

Immune

I hold these truths.....
but they don't hold me
console me....
but they are evident
they are heaven sent

I lay my head on a pillow of efficient
Choose eloquent off of separatist
I'm seeking my qualms
no need to hold me down...
i been doing it long enough
I'm strong enough
i can be stronger enough
It takes all i have in me to be stronger
enough
This life is tough but I'm still slinging all my wares
all the dares
all my there's
so others can have it easier
age of tech
its not pleasing ya
I don't really care
i fight this fight and prove im here
prove i care
prove that I still live here because abba cared
He drives the strife
within my life
he makes me not wonder why im here
I always wonder why I'm here
Why am I poised to suffer, while im here
WHY AM I HERE?
this moment is important
he has told me his portions
but i need to fill this fear
fuel this fear
reduce this fear
wrap my arms around myself deducing this fear
but who is here
always father...
my humble self writhing in tears
withering in fear
witnessing the here
Not focusing on here
The present slowly disappearing while im here
I will fear no evil
I fear no evil
I am that evil
It tries to make me equal
So i fear....my fear....
It attacks me
i fight for my life
Can't use my knuckle game so i glare
in my mind
ill always be his daughter
dont try to trick me
I am not a treat
I grow to keep
The trinity
his presence is still here
Will continue to build here
Will continue to take a chill here
Will in my hopes continue to reassign what it is here
10,000 reasons
I just need one

In my own head

Disappointment
Led to my feelings of disjointment
But my anointing phases all the pain

I am faithful and guided though im misguided with handling the pain

I looked at life as a trap
Faithful but still adapt to the devils constant breadcrumbs of the fame

He is in my head
He attacks me in my bed
Amplifying my feelings of distain

I write for truths
To give to youths
Who struggle in his name

Im crazy......not stupid
Sometimes.....I lose lucid
To fight off what it is that stains...
My brain is wired to work
To speak my worth
After a life of your never gonna be shit insane

I'm the same
Yet different
I cloak myself in difference
To be a rider in the game


One day it will all make sense
I will see over that fence
To greener pastures in his name

Until then I will crash
My behavior turned up on rash
Either your in or out
The melody is the same

I have lost friends who couldn't see in me
Didn't believe in me or get my walk of justice in his name
Seeing no evil of my struggles everyday

No one understands the hand of the fates
Clotho spinning
Lachesis determining places,worth and feelings...
Screw this
Atropos please give me the damn scissors so I can cut the thread

Dont want to be dead
But I fear if or when im dead
No one will get or still understand
My pain

I fall and get embarked by the dark
Slithering light
telling myself get back up to participate in this game

I climb these crystal stairs
Hoping not to break the panes

Break my ways

I break for days

I break for shade

I break in shame

To hide in when im not the same to revel in me not the same..to getting back to me being the same
I keep the pain
Hiding in my brain

But a break is necessary
I brake for necessity
A learned condition of hiding all this pain

Im an actress but you didn't know my role existed
I guess im gifted at hiding behind all this pain
I cant run

Or hide

Or get by with the weight of this......

The questions always exist when its detrimental to my brain
I underscore pity
Leaving out the precious gifts my family gives me
Its the definition of insane

System failure
Lets reboot

"As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance"

Peter said it all
even though the knowledge is tall
I still fall to repeat the same mistakes

The missed takes of my mistakes
Leading me to wrong
The questionable
leads me to questionable in head interference

Can't seem to clear this
Bowling spares because im unable to strike within this brain......

I know this story

I live this story

I want to change this story

And I will
I will, AMEN

Stay

I waited for you forever
You became my treasure
Repenting
This unrelenting cycle
Of cycles
I want you to stay
Elohim,  we begin again
Drowning in self doubt
It makes the water cold and frigid

A new beginning
Trying to figure it out
I died and became new
I know in life depend on you
I believe in you
Abba your gentle tones
Leave me to feel home when im not home

Prepare me for an aroma to peak
But in these street exist a beast
It gets deep
We are guided to repeat
So I know better
Im bait and it waits
Feeding on my negativity
The devil has it in for me
But I pray for him too

It feeds on my discouragement
But my discouragement
Pushes the waters into the bay
So I drown, acknowledge how
I am reborn and clean
It was written
All my sins forgiven
Because my father died
I fight/live life/go through strife in his name

Alleluia

Amen