Judgemental stares

I'm constantly being judged even when I don't know it
My pride wont let me show its effects on my.mind

My illness had been made to hide
Leaving me acting on a whim, smiling at them and feeling crushed from the inside

Not be in stride with what a disease should be
The looks focused on my face trying to find the pain I hide everywhere but within my eyes

I sigh
disgusted and delirious
The world is growing oblivious
my sight is getting serious
because they say my eyes will eventually grow to be faulty

I cant open the door more
The need to hide and cry and work my ass off to get by..
makes the illusion of my being alright grow loudly

I tip toe with heavy steps
My knowledge doesnt matter when they dont think im capable of fighting something I cant control

Like a pick and roll except the defender clings to me
Does things to me
Makes me cry and have my personality rescind in me......
Because it never plays nice or leaves my ego intact

What is given can not increase without guidance
I am forced to hide in
My own mental prison
Getting lost in the mazes of wonderland
Lacking wander

Im not buying what you tell me I fought for
It seems irrelavent in the scheme of things
I can't make you feel my pain
Or cling to these truths I bring

So continue to judge and tell me how I don't look sickly
How im faking what's in me
How no one can understand it is continually with me

How no one can seem to get how it gets to me
Incubating a hate that knows no bounds
I been around....

But no one seems to see how hard it has been...to be....around

On my mind....

Shhhh.....
They might hear us speaking...without....massa.......

Disenfranchisement is rearing its ugly head/
the dreams are dead and no one is leading the line/
so they die...become mirages of aspiration/
being taken for every ounce of deny

I can try to sit by...but i cant/
This so called safety net is the cheapest you can get/
enslaving like a trap, retracing like an unlawful gathering intent on set tripping/
I have died living...yes many times and I have arisen like the phoenix?/

I think i need my glasses cuz' I'm not seeing correctly/
Societies trajectory, leaves me scared and abandoned/
Is this the life we want to happen/
Cuz we sure are letting it happen!!/

85% of us go to them and the money is lost/
or funneled to towns that only get around cuz our youth have no ground and are intent on being lost/ locked up/stopped up, so they can pull a drop up and..../
rock true religion?/
A crying shame that your true religion is material/
My true religion is spiritual
my god is interial and i feel sorry for your kind/

What are we waiting for?/
The dying exist around us as if the walking dead was here/
This is our fight to regain life from those who think it lost/
Reality is idiocracy/
i believe in our freedoms and democracy/
when did that become non exciting?/

I feel like my writing is getting me tight and i should no longer write and this shit is not frightening to so many that leads up to this....wheres your normality? Your substanance?/
The devil tries to deceive us and all the while we are still on the front lines/
cuz though not armed forces this is the direction we are forced in to...create there choices....and make it better/
put shit together....cuz we are falling apart...../

lets get back to caring about communities, enhancing the abilities...cuz in a self absorbed world we forget about those with continuity......