I have died many times and arisen like the Phoenix

The stabbing pain leading to stars in the eyes
I have died many times and arisen like the Phoenix
Hands clenching the Kleenex
Trying to slow it down

The stretch of muscles holding on for dear life
As they become inflexible and air tight
Slithering tears escaping my eyes
I have died many times and arisen like the Phoenix

Self care or well fare seems to not exist
Screams escaping my lips through anguished cries
All I can do is die, because no matter what I do.....I die

But I rise like the Phoenix because I am not done yet
At 31 a true vet to the games played and displayed underneath it all
For within a battle rages and I fill/feel these pages with the truth placed before me

I have died but I rise
The anger has not discovered what was uncovered within the vestibule of my experience
This shit is serious

Want to stay, spent on the floor or the couch of my house crying, smoldering smoke
its the only thing that takes my mind off the pain
When it rains it pours and I die

But I rise because of who I am
I fight because to lose is not an option

I rise so that people understand
Even though I have the body that fails me
My soul is to be spread to the masses
So they can gain traction
And let go of the little things
leading them to bigger things and bigger dreams
That would of before lay unconquered

I die but each time I do.....allows for more of you to rise.......


So I die.....and I trip
and I falter
and crash
and I'm brash
and angry
because maybe I have a right to be
Each time I die it tries to take that light from me

Shadowing me in a darkness so alone
I shy from truths
I shun society
I leave everyone out

Misery needs no company and I need not your pity

So I die......alone

But I rise like the Phoenix for all who need
I rise to show a different breed 
For all to see the little things should never be glanced over

I'm a soldier

So I rise like the Phoenix 

Hoping each time that the power of my light still exist when I rise......

To bring truths to others eyes

So I die........knowing......

The pain will stop eventually
I will recover eventually
I will grow to respect it eventually

I rise.......

Writing this song

We seem to grasp the endless
I can't do it
no begging for forgiveness

You touched the part that was circumstance
Now all I want is you amazing......

I worked thru shit just to make it cold
Your future is the one you owe

I tried to fight the naked feel
You asked about it and got it real

My scripts be burning thru the night
I raise your bull, you might start a fight

Your leather humps don't make you fly
Its about this song, not you and I

I travel soft and heavy hand
Phuck your bull I did withstand

Tears come to my eyes cuz u ain't
I #rebelagainst you being here

Phuck your tainted words
My truth is the only form of hurt

Bridge over troubled waters

The trap is alive and I'm unapproved...

the standards of my being left me wide eye without seeing, cold with no breathing. ..

struggling to be alright.
I am pensive in sight and try as I might to not fall when others trip me.  

Forget me and equip me with a hatred that knows no bounds. 

Something I can't get around cuz the sound of this sound does not resound in positive vibes.
I hate to take it there but I ain't never scared and I'm tired of you dancing on my dreams. 

It seems that you told me I wouldn't be shit...get a good grip on a life to be proud of...

I carried that torch...dreams were abort because you made me question my own potential.
It became essential that I recognized the disease that breeds and comes out like seize... 

in order to bring me up from my knees asking a father for forgiveness....

while one is essential the other is detrimental....father where art thou? 

The gods must be crazy...they allowed Me to suffer and watch pain gravitate my mother in a way I can never change. 
The beating of a soul comes not only from fist but from words and I am tired of your native drum. 

If I ruled the world you would not be in it....words marred in wrong but won't recind it because my pain is not abstract....
I can't move past that blow to the back of my head at eight...when concrete was what I ate because you were too drunk to remember....

my pain lies in the lines of despise sprewed from your mouth....

I am the truth that you failed to value...trying to estinguish the fight in my life...in order to feel better about yourself....

yes you gave me life but i live in strife knowing the heart that made it happen is cold and has poisoned many of souls with your actions....my words gain traction and yet....I cant say I hate you...

........

 

Unfocused stares
A moment ago I was just 
Here, where, there and now I'm not
I see my hell and raise you a heaven
It's my own setting
Nothing to regret in, just try to revel in the good ones
 
In his image I don't question 
but wonder for what he is testing...or preparing me for
I go through these doors of revolving sore
doomed to play on repeat
 
Sickle Positive
So that I could live,humble and forgiving?
Cuz though I still be sinning\
I fought my way up from humble beginnings
The life I led had no winning...
Only danger and defeat
and that is the knowledge that will never be lost on me
it was forced on me 
but my future is my creation

Tilt

Straight up tilting
Acknowledging the unacknowledged
Spinning the squares, circling the block

It did a bid here
Telling me I was all out of time
Rebelling in silence as a life led full
Punishing itself to avoid further destruction

Powerless

Broken

It spoke......
whispering a subtle discomfort
before the deafening roar of a chainsaw

A blossoming false beauty fated to kill my bill
Steal my will
and leave me inexplicably introverted
The battle may be lost but the war is far from over

Still glance  over my shoulders for shadows behind and within
I can't begin to make you understand
The pains and circumstance, left by fanthom hands
breaking me down at a slow...........pace
I'm in this race
creating space to embrace the lives that can be saved
leading to paves of the way......

Paving the way
no matter what obstacles stand
I create within me my own land
and it is currently not for sale.......

Pivot

Pivotal pointing
Leaves Me feeling disjointed
Where was the honor in your ways

I travel through gravities pull and still end up falling
It takes me time to realize the line
That should bare no crossing

Words have always been my strongest but now its seems the longest it has been that they elude me, fail to sooth me and make everything alright

The world has changed along with my thoughts of things and all I can do is move forward

I'm thankful for it....but am I

I.C.U

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
So behold these truths
I was born a shell
Transformed by life and circumstance
Never given a chance, so I take it
Had to make it, so it'd make sense
The  time I've spent, questioning whether i was heaven sent has led me to the truth
I sit in the booth and realize what he has granted
The seeds he has allowed me to plant and no questioning now exist
It is....what it always was....
The difference is now I see......

Belief in the power ever after
My spirit does not expire......
There's a war going on outside no man is safe from......
It leads....to....dreams of unfocused themes 
Jading thoughts to retire