Blind

The  ever lasting pain 

leaves me disarmed

Why do you think I can afford it

My mind is distorted

I walk this way and talk this walk

For reasons of avoidance

Blind to see a reality of someone that will never see euphoric.....

I write

to create balance in 

my psychosis

iLosing  focus......

Mr. Mulholland

The bard can not be held...
dammit...
scratch that and rotate
No holds bard

I mean what I say and I say what I mean
So there is not reason to read within the lines
The character of your voice leaves me......breathless

I see someone who was never there
Life is never fair
So like a donna ma
I can take you there

I was designed to infiltrate said mind
To appreciate the things passed by time
I don't know what it is but I want to know if it could be

Your voice soothes me
Like I was playing in a philharmonic way that soothes me
I was lost

The impact of letting me be me
without blame or catastrophe, makes me want to hop on the D

I'm certain that this person didn't just happen to be here
See here
Open the lock and want to be here

I contemplate......
I see the beginning of a phase that may cost days or cost me my life\

Who are you to tell me otherwise
I surmise that this guy may bear an inkling
to what I sort, or have retort
To think that I'm too good
when my ghetto rocks the heart

Phone dies, we call sides and dream of meeting each other
Im stunned, no more words are necessary

Self medication

The world is warped

So I replicate

self medicate

to keep my head above water

The psychedelic features never bend

Though I hope they do

In what right mind can it be fathomed

That's why I lean on the side of wrong

That bad taste in your mouth

Leaves a bad taste in mine

Unconscious hording

We seek who we are

The plants are greens

Blowing dust, taking me higher and inhaling powder to resolve

Down the drain, drips the unspeakable

This is what elixirs do to you

In order to avoid all storms

Trying to rear the ugly head that appears thru blood point overload

I'm trying to not be told

That I'm the piper in the danger zone

Follow me @beansanrice , tweeting to technology

That keeps me changing all my clothes

Where am I?

What's going on?

Why am I here?

The awareness surfaces

challenging the senses, that have become worn

only to be pushed down

Life hurts

I can see clearly now

Enrapture me and make me forget

I'm glad to be home

And then I wake up

Hung over...........what the fuck did I do last night???

Armed forces......Conversation in thoughts.

My family loved who I was, they do not know who I have become

God, why is it so hot???

The smell of blood makes me aware of the danger

Dodging death, hearing the crackling of heat

The wizz from the presence in the air leaves me diving for cover

Mom grasp me in her arms, I am finally home

Her baby is her baby and they are home

The ricocheting booms has the earth swaying under my feet

I.E.D'ed I drag my brother to safety and realize all too late the hope for them is gone

I have no time for emotion, just action

I am driven to rage

I lift my weapon

Everyone is happy to see me, its been a while

Normalcy has eluded me for so long

The dust storm swallows the appearance of man

This is the perfect time

At ease with what I am about to do

The enemy has been upon us

I kick open the door, tucking and rolling in

I hear the light laugh of my sister, 

examining her presence

She begins to cry

I am finally home

I feel the heat of the explosion before I see it

The world spins and disappears into a haze

Someone is carrying me

The pain is frightening 

It's so good to see you, my aunt whispers in my ear 

as she embraces me with force

She does not realize the impact of her words and I finally breakdown and cry

Oh how I wish the last thing I saw before the shrapnel damage to my eyes made me blind was them

I thrive in just presence alone now

I would do it again 

For my country..............

Solitude

The death of my heart, will never be confirmed

It sits in the shadows embalmed with lost

Consumed by the dark

The feelings of inadequacy

trap me

Surrounding the light 

You are your own worse enemy

Broadcast of days past enter my present

The air seems to stir with my discontent

Breeze blowing to the north 

Blind to the delicate kneading of my being

Eyes glazed, gazing to the south

The sun shines on my face

reflecting the right to choose

How i long for the grains of rock

That was disrupted and turned to sand

It reminds me of peace after destruction

The meaning that you can be broken down and still turned to something

Paces the breathes I have left to take

It envelops the strain caused by the tightening strings of solitude

Leaves me needing a new latitude.......or a triangle to vanish into

It sting's

Fever pitched\

Flashes of ignorance

The aluminum casing of your heart leaves chivalry to be ignored

Chasing a dream from a story heard within our youth

To be or not to be?
That was never a question, just a retort

Investing in the words that lead to compassion, empathy and honesty if conscious

I don't need this nonsense

But I still walk this way

Have a ruining cloud making me talk this way

The storm has not passed even though you cant see it

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

I want to see it

The anxiety of loneliness

Questions self further

When you find it, its heaven

My experiences result to murder, I plead the fifth

You don't deserve my benefit

Lack of significance

All I feel is vacant

I am the cactus in the sun that nobody walks to.
I am the sustenance that embodies those to want to

You took a stroll in the sun and received what you were looking for

Only to find It was nothing but a mirage

The constant barrage of your lusting
 Leaves me to question who I can run to, to feel this empty space

The stars of yours, they remind me of..

Kept me thinking, we almost had it all

but too much is never enough

So I scramble to put a hold on the teeming, overflowing emotions within my brain

and walk thru the shadows that encompass my figure

Leaving me aching and yearning for more

Happiness leads to love, which leads to hurt and deals out pain

I fold
I flushed a full house......
Because it became bare

The hand I was dealt is not built that strong

I have to fold, how can I not
 Not an M.I.T grad,  so there is no way to read to try to count the cards

like you read my bars

Transferring my pain

I believe with no map I will find it

Hope the cards to my credit don't decline it
The aimless walking,

Im lost can you help me find a way??

Music makes the world go round

Breathless

I continue my journey

The ensuing travesties fall by the way side

I beat the congas and blow on the trumpet

Cuz, I march to the beat of my own drum

I insert my ear buds...to leave the present in a flurry

I hear the bass, I no longer worry
For me I am home

I began to listen,
Life on shuffle...

music is the heart of the soul
 can you solve my puzzle

I'd rather go blind

You better listen

because the night time is the right time

Do you feel the beat of the rhythm of the night

Our endless love?

I'm rolling in the deep
 but its not even my birthday

So tell me that you want me to

It can all be so simple,
 But you rather make it hard
Cause it's funny how money changes situations
 

Hey there delilah,

I had the time of my life

You see the fire burn

Leaving me weak in the knees
I go back to black

We only said goodbye with words

Can't you see, kissing you is.....

like peaches and cream

The firm told me to

Be your super women

Lie for you,
 Cry for you, 

There is a method to my madness

24 hours to live because

music makes you lose control

It's good enough for me
Time after time

I'll be there for you but

I still need a resolution

I'm rocking this boat

Trying to stop this train

Hoping I come back in one piece

While I'm waiting on the world to change

I resolve to be sitting on the dock of the bay

then I turn to you

But there's just one thing that got me tripping

I fade to black
Like you will never see me again

Daydreams 

You know the night time, is the right time

When you got that glow...it leads to

Strength courage and wisdom

I got dreams to remember

I'm sounding the alarm

don't you bring me along

My ego leave me irreplaceable
 I'm a single lady

Still dancing the night away
To the beat of my own drum

It's you, its you,
 Its all for you

Playing those video games

Breaking my heart but, my tears dry on there own

Round midnight

Cuz he can only hold her for so long

All this craziness will disappear

Designed with me in mind

Then I wake up alone