Immune

I hold these truths.....
but they don't hold me
console me....
but they are evident
they are heaven sent

I lay my head on a pillow of efficient
Choose eloquent off of separatist
I'm seeking my qualms
no need to hold me down...
i been doing it long enough
I'm strong enough
i can be stronger enough
It takes all i have in me to be stronger
enough
This life is tough but I'm still slinging all my wares
all the dares
all my there's
so others can have it easier
age of tech
its not pleasing ya
I don't really care
i fight this fight and prove im here
prove i care
prove that I still live here because abba cared
He drives the strife
within my life
he makes me not wonder why im here
I always wonder why I'm here
Why am I poised to suffer, while im here
WHY AM I HERE?
this moment is important
he has told me his portions
but i need to fill this fear
fuel this fear
reduce this fear
wrap my arms around myself deducing this fear
but who is here
always father...
my humble self writhing in tears
withering in fear
witnessing the here
Not focusing on here
The present slowly disappearing while im here
I will fear no evil
I fear no evil
I am that evil
It tries to make me equal
So i fear....my fear....
It attacks me
i fight for my life
Can't use my knuckle game so i glare
in my mind
ill always be his daughter
dont try to trick me
I am not a treat
I grow to keep
The trinity
his presence is still here
Will continue to build here
Will continue to take a chill here
Will in my hopes continue to reassign what it is here
10,000 reasons
I just need one

In my own head

Disappointment
Led to my feelings of disjointment
But my anointing phases all the pain

I am faithful and guided though im misguided with handling the pain

I looked at life as a trap
Faithful but still adapt to the devils constant breadcrumbs of the fame

He is in my head
He attacks me in my bed
Amplifying my feelings of distain

I write for truths
To give to youths
Who struggle in his name

Im crazy......not stupid
Sometimes.....I lose lucid
To fight off what it is that stains...
My brain is wired to work
To speak my worth
After a life of your never gonna be shit insane

I'm the same
Yet different
I cloak myself in difference
To be a rider in the game


One day it will all make sense
I will see over that fence
To greener pastures in his name

Until then I will crash
My behavior turned up on rash
Either your in or out
The melody is the same

I have lost friends who couldn't see in me
Didn't believe in me or get my walk of justice in his name
Seeing no evil of my struggles everyday

No one understands the hand of the fates
Clotho spinning
Lachesis determining places,worth and feelings...
Screw this
Atropos please give me the damn scissors so I can cut the thread

Dont want to be dead
But I fear if or when im dead
No one will get or still understand
My pain

I fall and get embarked by the dark
Slithering light
telling myself get back up to participate in this game

I climb these crystal stairs
Hoping not to break the panes

Break my ways

I break for days

I break for shade

I break in shame

To hide in when im not the same to revel in me not the same..to getting back to me being the same
I keep the pain
Hiding in my brain

But a break is necessary
I brake for necessity
A learned condition of hiding all this pain

Im an actress but you didn't know my role existed
I guess im gifted at hiding behind all this pain
I cant run

Or hide

Or get by with the weight of this......

The questions always exist when its detrimental to my brain
I underscore pity
Leaving out the precious gifts my family gives me
Its the definition of insane

System failure
Lets reboot

"As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance"

Peter said it all
even though the knowledge is tall
I still fall to repeat the same mistakes

The missed takes of my mistakes
Leading me to wrong
The questionable
leads me to questionable in head interference

Can't seem to clear this
Bowling spares because im unable to strike within this brain......

I know this story

I live this story

I want to change this story

And I will
I will, AMEN

Stay

I waited for you forever
You became my treasure
Repenting
This unrelenting cycle
Of cycles
I want you to stay
Elohim,  we begin again
Drowning in self doubt
It makes the water cold and frigid

A new beginning
Trying to figure it out
I died and became new
I know in life depend on you
I believe in you
Abba your gentle tones
Leave me to feel home when im not home

Prepare me for an aroma to peak
But in these street exist a beast
It gets deep
We are guided to repeat
So I know better
Im bait and it waits
Feeding on my negativity
The devil has it in for me
But I pray for him too

It feeds on my discouragement
But my discouragement
Pushes the waters into the bay
So I drown, acknowledge how
I am reborn and clean
It was written
All my sins forgiven
Because my father died
I fight/live life/go through strife in his name

Alleluia

Amen

The purge

I lose traction when im overreacting
A small fraction to what is happening
I gather my strength to quell the urge
To spit this words and disrespect with verbs
Because the nouns are profound and I can't seem to get around them
If im losing my ground or this story arc has no sound
it still can arouse them..

Im listening
Priorities shifting
Clear on what I am missing and the feelings that are presenting

I heed your verse
Determine my worth while not determining my worth leading back to square one

The hypothesis will assist in me obtaining the puns
Im an asshole

The stream of my deep
We all hide and seek
To follow what we speak and
Speak what we say

We don't challenge enough or give cause for whats rough
Hiding it in the plains
Of sight....this plane life
Flying in plain sight
To only acknowledge all the pain

Please keep your seatbelts fastened for turbulence
Lack of openness because your helpfulness was directed on insane

Losing altitude
So many obstacles
No fear of the valleys name
Because I walk in the shadows
Read Mark for my battles
To shine bright in all the shade

Listen

By myself

Do i bring it on myself?
Its not about my health but my wealth
Am i worthy?
Words are quirky.......
my feelings disown me

Eyes are blind
within design
i sit here and cry
cuz all i can do is cry

I fight off and stride off
trying to get the time off
put the design forth
being alone is what makes the time soft

eloping with lonliness
kissing the truth
marrying self

i am by myself

i will always be by myself

i will always be......

By Myself

That is all

I say I used to have the blues...but I still do
It becomes ingrained in you
A follow through
You picked me
so I picked you

Collected me from
my trajectory of being smart
The square became my heart
I was enraptured on a path to disaster

The government been gave up
Disenfranchisement still came up
And communities continued to be stuck
Because the acknowledgable
Is still inside of you
Its providing too
Let it put that drive in you

Discouraged or pessimistic
Its a learned sickness
The world has to get it out
The truth had to get out
Is this a faithless route
Because no one is listening
God why is this world so unforgiving?

Knuckle gaming those
Cause you tell me your truths and I tell you no lies
This lies inside..content off of brighter eyes
And coincides
Leading me to the open door
Cuz before

My past abhorred
Shaky floors
I drive to realize I can always BE MORE

But then.....
Theres the possibilities
All the insecurities telling me I need or want more
I see that door

From peacesigning to peace signing
It unlocked the door

Your past is always present and it gave me this present of life
Essence of life
I rocked that star of david
Knowing its price
Life is the price
For life is the price

Though im indeed
Way more changing
I can never pay the price...

The square dares to lead
A fluctuation of my needs
Life planting the open seeds
Because a girl grew in brooklyn

A girl proved in brooklyn

A man showed me that I needed to be more driven driven

Right my wrongs
Respect to all
But we need to fill our children

Unlawful gathering was the job
The arrest came with lies and probs
Mom beating me in a seat
Continuing on the street
Because I knew better

We deserved it
No one is perfect
Imperfect beauty is in my clause

This locness led to dopeness and an eye opening experience

This shit is serious. 
You better start taking me serious

Cracking in my blood
The square is my blood
Connecting the six points embedded in my blood
But many transfusions were needed
Working on my self was thoughtfully  needed....
Drove me in succeeding

But im a grown up now
ive grown up now
But thoughts are pondered just because

What it was was trap houses
Grand larceny, Profiling..my name ringing bells is recognizing

Any one could get it

They be hating the crew
Testing you to jump
I always followed thru

Fuck a tough life
Its a tough life
Baby blues to navy

The Lord he gave me
Impasse
Splish splash
Whip lashing thru life
Im making a life
Because rather than strife
I now enjoy this life...my life.....

I am knocked down by experience, sickler of sickle cell these are my inferences damn, i still have the blues
I gotta cut back

Memories

Bless the lord oh my soul

Realization of a life's worth seen
I was born to do these things
Chase these dreams
And help the weary souls

So I've been told
As my own has left me seeking shelter
Hiding under covers to dim the lights on this road
Within a disease that rages in between my soul

I can say im alright but im not
Say im not in pain but im not
Seek shelter in those I laid the concrete for only to be told that im not

Foundation worthy

I need my clergy.....

But yet my gravitational pull has brought those to me
Who have situations worse than me
Because my situation none can't see and Im tired that this can still be in 2014..and im alone and im in pain and in the loathe

This is me bearing my soul

That you complain about a life not wrapped in
Or trapped in
An unrelenting fury
That leaves me weary

Wondering why I live this life
I go through strife and bear the poison of the tree of knowledge all alone....

I am more than capable but this body is just not capable of garnering my soul

So I float and bear and cry and stare...reaching steady points of no return

I have earned nothing but heart ache
Nothing but my temple  being branded unsafe and still no one will learn

Sickle cell is a hell of a disease
We are warriors