In my own head

Disappointment
Led to my feelings of disjointment
But my anointing phases all the pain

I am faithful and guided though im misguided with handling the pain

I looked at life as a trap
Faithful but still adapt to the devils constant breadcrumbs of the fame

He is in my head
He attacks me in my bed
Amplifying my feelings of distain

I write for truths
To give to youths
Who struggle in his name

Im crazy......not stupid
Sometimes.....I lose lucid
To fight off what it is that stains...
My brain is wired to work
To speak my worth
After a life of your never gonna be shit insane

I'm the same
Yet different
I cloak myself in difference
To be a rider in the game


One day it will all make sense
I will see over that fence
To greener pastures in his name

Until then I will crash
My behavior turned up on rash
Either your in or out
The melody is the same

I have lost friends who couldn't see in me
Didn't believe in me or get my walk of justice in his name
Seeing no evil of my struggles everyday

No one understands the hand of the fates
Clotho spinning
Lachesis determining places,worth and feelings...
Screw this
Atropos please give me the damn scissors so I can cut the thread

Dont want to be dead
But I fear if or when im dead
No one will get or still understand
My pain

I fall and get embarked by the dark
Slithering light
telling myself get back up to participate in this game

I climb these crystal stairs
Hoping not to break the panes

Break my ways

I break for days

I break for shade

I break in shame

To hide in when im not the same to revel in me not the same..to getting back to me being the same
I keep the pain
Hiding in my brain

But a break is necessary
I brake for necessity
A learned condition of hiding all this pain

Im an actress but you didn't know my role existed
I guess im gifted at hiding behind all this pain
I cant run

Or hide

Or get by with the weight of this......

The questions always exist when its detrimental to my brain
I underscore pity
Leaving out the precious gifts my family gives me
Its the definition of insane

System failure
Lets reboot

"As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance"

Peter said it all
even though the knowledge is tall
I still fall to repeat the same mistakes

The missed takes of my mistakes
Leading me to wrong
The questionable
leads me to questionable in head interference

Can't seem to clear this
Bowling spares because im unable to strike within this brain......

I know this story

I live this story

I want to change this story

And I will
I will, AMEN