I could be mad

could be mad

I was born with imperfections

Sickle cell anemia ravaging a body just born

I could be mad

Set up for failure through watching addictions, taking on addictions, fighting addictions

I could be mad

Physical abuse...the brutal Beatings, emotional abuse

mantra’d on you ain’t never gonna be shit

I could be mad

Left on my own while you follow another mans rule

I could be mad

By myself trying to figure out my same trying to figure out my brain

Losing those I grew close to

I could be mad

Friends turning on me

Behavior is well taught

I damn near always fought

For a color designed in separation

I could be mad

Paying my own way through college

The rates are hunting me down

Flag at half stance cuz these loans is cutting me down

Wounded with the bullet holes of knowledge just shoving me down

I thought I was spose to be a queen but these taxes is shutting me down

Equipped with the cycle of nonsense 

Keeps putting me down

I could be mad

I’ll fitting in my skin

My body full of sin

Trying to grasp the soul of within

Faltering not knowing where to begin

Again

I could be mad

Super saver

Bad behavior

I listen to you and you just ignore this neighbor

Feel as if you have caused this behavior

Friends are not friends when they don’t stop to ask why you insist on this behavior

I could be mad

At the abandonment by all

It’s about you when you call

Don’t give a fuck about me at all

I could be mad

I helped you out the pinch

I helped reformulate your shit

Only to get ditched and not be a part of forever

I could be mad

I float in a sea of aloneness

Try to pay with my atoning

I feel as if those closest to me are throwing the first stones in

I could be mad

Job that disrespected me

Even with my trajectory

Made me focus on monetary ecstasy 

Ripped my heart out the chest of me

Couldn’t acknowledge the birth of the best of me

Cuz I was too focused on the requirements of a job I now know wouldn’t stand for me

Lightweight from the fight that neglected me

Unresolved in my feelings of security

Can I appreciate my giving of everything

A baby grr inside me

I could be mad

I am fighting a war within my self but this post is partum

I’m fighting a body that kills my health

But these words ain’t hollow

I cry in the shower so my hopes can wash off

No one to push me so my dreams are far off

Regulated to the pain

I just need to sound off

The emotional turmoil in my brain 

Leaves me to shy off

I could be mad

 My tenacity is lost

My motivation was lost

There is no way for recourse

Abandonment daily reforced

I could be mad

Not a part of your life

I could be mad

Feeling like a single mother

All this new stuff to discover

Forcing my body and mind to move in ways I can’t uncover

I’m tired

I could be mad

Feeling oh so alone and all those people who used to utilize me for everything life is just carrying on

Enjoy

I could be mad

No vocal approachments 

No reaction to hopelessness

I’m lost and approaching

This is my life

I could be mad 

But Riley is beautiful

- [ ]

Falling beneath the stars

We always dream of a better life, those accustomed to nothing. Hoping that for once a light is bestowed on to us that could weather through the darkness already foretold to us. A life of less pain, more pleasure, less hurt and more forgiveness....for we still live in the shadow of a master we cannot see.

Laying in a line of fire, doused with uncertainties, conditioned in failure to the lost of hope.
Bonded by the hurt of lost.

A cycle emerges and continues shining in all crevices but still pointing out our shadows in darkness...a darkness that can never leave, a darkness that is always there, a darkness that becomes both friend and foe telling us we can never be whom we think we are just who we are told to be...
So i sit in the darkness beneath the stars because they say shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars but with no one to catch them.....many exist beneath them with no one to acknowledge their existence

Is it okay to feel like this?

Is it okay to feel like this?

The weight of the world unbalanced and standing within the pit of your stomach

The thoughts of fear

The longing of prior

The nervousness of beyond

Is it okay to feel like this?

The pressure of the road walked and the path ahead seemingly disappearing within the shine of the tears that currently envelop the eyes

The world battling for your attention as you battle for the attention of your self

Fighting the signs, symbols and omens that you think may not end up going your way

Is it okay to feel like this?

To dream of the time where the most worried you were was getting home drunk from an all-night bender

To wistfully think about the bottles of wine consumed to block the pain rendered useless as this condition pleads for none

Is it okay to feel like this?

To wallow in the doubt of fear and the fear of doubt

To request the sanctity of being free from these thoughts

To recapture a mind with whom I am no longer acquainted with

Is it okay to feel like this?

On the cusps of a black hole textured to look like an epiphany of where life begins, began will begun

The placating of one’s self challenged by the relentless nature of what is, will be and whats to come

The unknowing of whom you are

A grown woman

Becoming a little girl lost

Being a little lost

Looking around because damn I’m lost

I’m at a lost and it brings me down

Little girl blue

Little girl blue

A dark cloud settles and the gloom begins to set in

Reversal of time or is it time lost

This little girl blue is on a boat in unknown territory and seems lost

The roughness of the waves

The sway within their force

This little girl blue is now on an unchartered course

Winning to find but only finding the loss

Little girl blue

A sadness washed within her eyes

Little girl blue

The gleam of lightening brightens the sky

Little girl blue

But this little girl is lost

Awaiting landfall on this unchartered course

Little girl blue

Pain of it all

The smell of the saltiness

Through the rise and the fall

Little girl blue

Nothing to say

Because this little girls blues won’t be over today

Our world

Another day another death

The speculating spectrum
leading to regression
wanting to wallow in continuous overt racial oppression

But my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord
The truths of this country marching on while
black man are shot down, character annihilated, trampled over
JUST STAY DOWN
before they make more excuses cuz we just dogs and they need to
PUT US DOWN

That crack sound, revisiting the demons within those crack vials
Revisiting the drug laws of this government "crackdown"
Pushing our heads under water not wanting us to surface
giving us no chance to 
BREATHE NOW (wheeze sounds)

Tis country tis a thy bears no inklings of liberty
elluding it's said sympathy
so many inconsistencies
leading to regime's of anger
by the white supremacy

BUT OUR TRUTHS KEEP MARCHING ON, RIGHT???

Standing on my own 2 feet. How can you walk a mile in someelses shoes when we need to be barefoot

Im often standoffish
Came from the bottom to create my portion
Struggle in my own until i was woken
knowing that people depend on me almost every...day....often
Been there and swam back
Pain is what ive always engulfed in
My endorphines
Make me break in caution
Life struggles created a warrior who will stand on the top of this barrier
I been here before

Often....

Take the angst of your life into me because i already do it so often
The rapture is upon us but you still feeling good because i embodief your abhorrent

See no evil because i already faced the clouded black eyes and fear of his offering

Choose good or evil is the fight that appears often....paralyzing feel because i need to be powerless to his offering

I used to kill with non conformance and be steeled
To survive this life often

Reinvest in a life who's dividends have not got you there often

Worked so hard to survive
And now im questioning all it
I do the devils work
Im gods child and i spoil it

I am powerful beyond words and so scared i ignore it
The valley allowed me to lay around and be in the darkness
Because his light has always supported
Even when i felt u supported
When i recked myself and put my self in a bubble of no supportives

My levees of life have broken down
But im holding up for it
Life has smacked me down but i have never ignored it

Satiated the causes
Slamming all the doors you opened up for it

I cant see around or move my mouth to think peace will award it

The rapture is beginning
Are you ready to choose a side for it or ignore it?

Abba is my truth and he makes it rewarding

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Because i am the one who could"

Bet on this knowledge i need you to get often

I am a powerful enigma so satan will lean on me often

He will try to disrupt me often
He will try to destroy my strength often
He will try to turn me around from the road i have beating here and walked barefoot with bo shoes by making me embody

Constant

Detouring

My life is open to let you understand where this is going
Tend to the sheep and build so that our shepards ways are open

I constantly feel the choking
From not being open or
knowing where i am going or
how quick i will be going or
how disappointed i can be in slowing
relapsing the growing
only to reflect and be knowing

Only to except
Discombobulated flowing

My perception of things are not knowing...
There all knowing

My rights and dreams have been flowing
My light it seems is still growing
We can go back in things but the realization and eveidemce
makes alive and still growing

I will leave my heart open because the dark that thinks it can win will be surprised at the weight of the light it fights and tells  to cease growing

It appears in the end

Living in honor and finding honor are 2 different things.

I was lost and crushed and he changed my life

Perception is everything
He changed my life

Couldnt discover how much it hurt to live my life...drilled through the hard shell of me cutting off people in this life

Wanted all his knowledge because it raised my life

Pay attention to details because he taught me right

Ability to be in a free world and do whats right

All hope was given
By you in my life.

I made a decision to change hearts
like you did for my life

It was an end but the beginning of the road within my life

I have risen because the strength you gave me for my life

A student but a client
You helped me survive my life

I want to give thanks for you having helped develop my life
Whether you ever know it or not i need you to understand your hand was prevelant within this life

Im a better person because of you in my life
I love you dearly
You will be here forever through writing and having touched this life

I will never forget.....
How you changed my life

I love you Dr. T