Longing.....

Digging in the desert sand for water

Feening for what will give me life

This dry spell

Leaving me parched and malnourished

I thirst for a drink

A cold swallow of a unrelenting cool

The need for it racked within my body

Just when I think it has been found

I realize I was.....

Allowing a mirage to take over for it to only leave me discontent and broken

Disillusioned in my search

I touch upon the remnants of the drops held but never finding the satisfaction of quenching it

Even within the midst of a storm 

My hands allowing the drops of potential slip through my fingers

Leaving no way to contain the water

Bringing me back to square one

I huddle 

On my knees

Praying for the day to end and sleep to come 

Wishing upon dreams in order to forget 

Even for a moment

How my body clenches for that thirst

Do the work

Do the work

I been watching you for countless years

Do the work

I’ve been nudging you for more then a few years

Do the work

Time ain’t standing still through your tears

Do the work 

do the work

I thought I told you to do the work

I equipped in you the ability to change here

Do the work 

Possibilities I just fade here

Do the work

Composition created for a gain here

Do the work

Repositioned to reframe here

Do the work

Compilation of a gift that can’t stay here

Do the work 

Brooklyn is the center of my apple

I was raised here

To do the work

I have to make sure I maintain here

To do this work

Opposition is paved here

Do the work 

Even with this disease I’ve gained here

Do the work

Presenting the unpresentable

I should be on my game here

Do the work

A woman grew in Brooklyn, I’m a create my name here

Do the work

Spreading love the Brooklyn way is why I stay here

Do the work 

first night

That first night

I didn't know what to expect
So I was prepared for nothing
Not for a second did I regret 
My choice at loving

The first time I was awoken by your cries
I could barely open my eyes and within that second I realized

I'd love you this second, I'd love you the next minute
forever and ever your mom I would be

Drenched in fear that this would be an almost every night thing in the upcoming months and a flash of doubt clouded my mind. How could I get through it and was I that strong?

The pain etched across my belly within the staples holding it together making getting up hard but giving up not an option.

I looked longingly in your face and stayed quiet during your constant mews worried you would feel the breathe you took away from me

Already charming and ambitious knowing what you want and I sit here and struggle to comprehend how I was entrusted with such a precious gift, how he who gives me glory will give me the strength, how he who guides me will lift me and those around me will lift her and his village will raise this child.

I feel guilty getting sleep and asking for you to be in the nursery, not resting from worry in the time you are away. Is this why parenthood feels like only wanting the best but not knowing how to give it? Oh shit it's only day 1.

- [ ] 1st night

cry out

When I heard you cry for the first time everything else ceased to exist, but that animalistic cry of freedom that was born from your lips.

Everything moved in slow motion until you were placed in my arms. You don't know yet you were my lifesaver
a reason to be calm after life's storms

A reason to think about everything but me
A reason for me to continue to be the best I can be

A reason to work harder and not needing to prove a point

A reason to love, a reason to talk it slow
A reason to reevaluate everything I've known

A reason for life, a reason to see
That though I have goals of success the best things in life are free
A reason to embody all I can be.

You are my gift from god
My heart, my Riley

stumble upon

My thoughts capsized by the raging sea of doubt
Screaming but no one can hear me out
The abundance of my feelings
Stuck as I hit the glass ceiling

Seeking to hide
Power to divide
From the endless, restlessness of my soul

I was whole but now im torn apart
Beginning to end and ending to start

I breath as the consciousness of my being
spills out in wisp of a foreign content
Leading me to responses
I never wanted to hear

I am here, but only in spirit
My body, now i fear it
Too close but so far that no one can hear it

I scream
because even in my dreams it is present
Signs of a peasant because my value has been weakened
I no longer know what im seeking
just that i have not found it yet

Or that safety net that hold me up when I have faltered
How I long for
Someone to keep my head above water
I can't do it alone
My heart beats on its own

And yet answers still elude me
Like the partner I cant find to sooth me
I continue on alone..........

The cycle

 take umbrage as a offended black

Pardon me
A
Afro-American pardon me
a
African-American pardon me
a
Negro pardon me
a
colored pardon me
a
house nigger pardon me
a
field nigger pardon me
a
slave pardon me
a
Inanimate object for recreational and systematic injustice pardon me
a
part of a tribe that will never be discovered
a

Fuck this no pardon me

I remember the first thought that stuck to my brain...
I was 5. I was taught that I needed to understand I already had 2 strikes against me:

1. I was African-American
2. I was female

The other strike that should of placed me out was sickle cell anemia but we have more important things to discuss right now

I grew up in Bed-Stuy during the "War on drugs" era better known as the 80's crack epidemic. I used to think those vials that visually captured my mind with those tops in rainbow colors were things left by others for me to play with.

I witnessed the drug and alcohol abuse that went rampant amongst citizens behind closed doors. Not knowing or understanding til later(when I became a criminologist/social worker) it was another form of self medicating to not live life.

I witnessed the war on poverty dismantling neighborhoods, not caring about certain neighborhoods, the beginnings of explointing neighborhoods

I witnessed the struggles of the project life, food stamps and food pantries with that rock solid ass cheese, and white labeled cans.

I witnessed when violence became death, drugs becmae territorial war, color war, pit us against WAR.....

I witnessed the deprecation of the African-American woman, the demeaning and cruel aspects of being free but being a slave to man so not being free....but being free but having to give up my thought process to sooth your thoughts and make you my world

now you wonder why all women want to be independent and non dependent, non-conforming and lead their dreams onward...it's okay you can keep assautling our hopes and dreams and the barriers we took to
and the reason we the most educated persons in this land as they see.....racism wasnt the only thing systematic

I witness the breakdown of the nuclear family

I witnessed the role of Rockefeller continuing to breakdown the nuclear family

I witnessed the take down of all the proud negros who had struggle to succeed in a free world
have that free world create systems
so in that free world they could struggle and never be free

I witness currently the repurcussions of leaving rehabilitation for incapacitation (I studied criminology for a reason)

I witness the lost of rights guarenteed as a USA citizen being stipped for mistakes made so the people most angry can't vote, cant live in public housing you take my money for, cant get a job, cant get a life....go back to what got me locked up in the 1st place...

A whole new class of degenerates right...

Whoa....

SYTEMS OVERLOAD MUST REBOOT

I witnessed incarcerated individuals having the ability to learn and better themselves stripped away because violence needs to be in cycles or the prison business will be in peril

I witness families destroyed by housing 85%of NYC residents in upstate counties so they can garner more money on their census while we get programs cut and taken away...ahh that cycle again

I witness the hurt and loss and pain when you cant afford or have the means to travel 8hrs for a visit

I witnessed the creation of gangs to combat systems
only to be remade to kill their own systems only to be raised to "kill each system, we need praise..
honor and ego is all we have in this game" cycling the violence in systems

These waters run deep and if we can't open our eyes to see what has led us here and what has got us here...we still that african leading others to our villiage cuz we want to show them love. ..

society makes us trust no one

Now we trust no one

I know what prison looks like...it's a shame almost every other black kid lives this life

I witnessed the policies deepen to hurt
Society deepen to change
Societal measures that have created this game

Let the niggers kill each other
on play and repeat

I witness rascism...the snide comments,
the looks and stares when i accompany a white family or friends

I witnessed that shotgun barrel on my head saying niggas aint welcome in North Carolina

I witnessed being chased off of blocks that said there is no room for niggers here on ave L

I remember being indentured and servants and i get angry and mad

Because you rather question me on what is bad and what we have and not wanting to take a look back

because your bubble allows you to not really feel so bad
or feel so sad
Just a smirk and a relief of glad....

(we cant be trusted still..right)

And when they can ...I got a resolution

I witnessed man...
THESE TIMES ARE ABOMINATIONS
But you still can't what see what im witnessing man...
what i see in front of me witnessing

Damn

When does it stop

Learn the appropriation and desecration of a culture locked up in systematic and institutionalized rascism before you try to take cover

I grew up here...
you think you know but have no idea

Dont ask why im angry

ASK WHY IM ANGRY

TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY IM ANGRY

If you say nothing your just as guilty

This world for you may have have been rainbows and unicorns but for me

Its always been crazy....

I could be mad

could be mad

I was born with imperfections

Sickle cell anemia ravaging a body just born

I could be mad

Set up for failure through watching addictions, taking on addictions, fighting addictions

I could be mad

Physical abuse...the brutal Beatings, emotional abuse

mantra’d on you ain’t never gonna be shit

I could be mad

Left on my own while you follow another mans rule

I could be mad

By myself trying to figure out my same trying to figure out my brain

Losing those I grew close to

I could be mad

Friends turning on me

Behavior is well taught

I damn near always fought

For a color designed in separation

I could be mad

Paying my own way through college

The rates are hunting me down

Flag at half stance cuz these loans is cutting me down

Wounded with the bullet holes of knowledge just shoving me down

I thought I was spose to be a queen but these taxes is shutting me down

Equipped with the cycle of nonsense 

Keeps putting me down

I could be mad

I’ll fitting in my skin

My body full of sin

Trying to grasp the soul of within

Faltering not knowing where to begin

Again

I could be mad

Super saver

Bad behavior

I listen to you and you just ignore this neighbor

Feel as if you have caused this behavior

Friends are not friends when they don’t stop to ask why you insist on this behavior

I could be mad

At the abandonment by all

It’s about you when you call

Don’t give a fuck about me at all

I could be mad

I helped you out the pinch

I helped reformulate your shit

Only to get ditched and not be a part of forever

I could be mad

I float in a sea of aloneness

Try to pay with my atoning

I feel as if those closest to me are throwing the first stones in

I could be mad

Job that disrespected me

Even with my trajectory

Made me focus on monetary ecstasy 

Ripped my heart out the chest of me

Couldn’t acknowledge the birth of the best of me

Cuz I was too focused on the requirements of a job I now know wouldn’t stand for me

Lightweight from the fight that neglected me

Unresolved in my feelings of security

Can I appreciate my giving of everything

A baby grr inside me

I could be mad

I am fighting a war within my self but this post is partum

I’m fighting a body that kills my health

But these words ain’t hollow

I cry in the shower so my hopes can wash off

No one to push me so my dreams are far off

Regulated to the pain

I just need to sound off

The emotional turmoil in my brain 

Leaves me to shy off

I could be mad

 My tenacity is lost

My motivation was lost

There is no way for recourse

Abandonment daily reforced

I could be mad

Not a part of your life

I could be mad

Feeling like a single mother

All this new stuff to discover

Forcing my body and mind to move in ways I can’t uncover

I’m tired

I could be mad

Feeling oh so alone and all those people who used to utilize me for everything life is just carrying on

Enjoy

I could be mad

No vocal approachments 

No reaction to hopelessness

I’m lost and approaching

This is my life

I could be mad 

But Riley is beautiful

- [ ]

Falling beneath the stars

We always dream of a better life, those accustomed to nothing. Hoping that for once a light is bestowed on to us that could weather through the darkness already foretold to us. A life of less pain, more pleasure, less hurt and more forgiveness....for we still live in the shadow of a master we cannot see.

Laying in a line of fire, doused with uncertainties, conditioned in failure to the lost of hope.
Bonded by the hurt of lost.

A cycle emerges and continues shining in all crevices but still pointing out our shadows in darkness...a darkness that can never leave, a darkness that is always there, a darkness that becomes both friend and foe telling us we can never be whom we think we are just who we are told to be...
So i sit in the darkness beneath the stars because they say shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars but with no one to catch them.....many exist beneath them with no one to acknowledge their existence

Is it okay to feel like this?

Is it okay to feel like this?

The weight of the world unbalanced and standing within the pit of your stomach

The thoughts of fear

The longing of prior

The nervousness of beyond

Is it okay to feel like this?

The pressure of the road walked and the path ahead seemingly disappearing within the shine of the tears that currently envelop the eyes

The world battling for your attention as you battle for the attention of your self

Fighting the signs, symbols and omens that you think may not end up going your way

Is it okay to feel like this?

To dream of the time where the most worried you were was getting home drunk from an all-night bender

To wistfully think about the bottles of wine consumed to block the pain rendered useless as this condition pleads for none

Is it okay to feel like this?

To wallow in the doubt of fear and the fear of doubt

To request the sanctity of being free from these thoughts

To recapture a mind with whom I am no longer acquainted with

Is it okay to feel like this?

On the cusps of a black hole textured to look like an epiphany of where life begins, began will begun

The placating of one’s self challenged by the relentless nature of what is, will be and whats to come

The unknowing of whom you are

A grown woman

Becoming a little girl lost

Being a little lost

Looking around because damn I’m lost

I’m at a lost and it brings me down

Little girl blue

Little girl blue

A dark cloud settles and the gloom begins to set in

Reversal of time or is it time lost

This little girl blue is on a boat in unknown territory and seems lost

The roughness of the waves

The sway within their force

This little girl blue is now on an unchartered course

Winning to find but only finding the loss

Little girl blue

A sadness washed within her eyes

Little girl blue

The gleam of lightening brightens the sky

Little girl blue

But this little girl is lost

Awaiting landfall on this unchartered course

Little girl blue

Pain of it all

The smell of the saltiness

Through the rise and the fall

Little girl blue

Nothing to say

Because this little girls blues won’t be over today

Our world

Another day another death

The speculating spectrum
leading to regression
wanting to wallow in continuous overt racial oppression

But my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord
The truths of this country marching on while
black man are shot down, character annihilated, trampled over
JUST STAY DOWN
before they make more excuses cuz we just dogs and they need to
PUT US DOWN

That crack sound, revisiting the demons within those crack vials
Revisiting the drug laws of this government "crackdown"
Pushing our heads under water not wanting us to surface
giving us no chance to 
BREATHE NOW (wheeze sounds)

Tis country tis a thy bears no inklings of liberty
elluding it's said sympathy
so many inconsistencies
leading to regime's of anger
by the white supremacy

BUT OUR TRUTHS KEEP MARCHING ON, RIGHT???

Standing on my own 2 feet. How can you walk a mile in someelses shoes when we need to be barefoot

Im often standoffish
Came from the bottom to create my portion
Struggle in my own until i was woken
knowing that people depend on me almost every...day....often
Been there and swam back
Pain is what ive always engulfed in
My endorphines
Make me break in caution
Life struggles created a warrior who will stand on the top of this barrier
I been here before

Often....

Take the angst of your life into me because i already do it so often
The rapture is upon us but you still feeling good because i embodief your abhorrent

See no evil because i already faced the clouded black eyes and fear of his offering

Choose good or evil is the fight that appears often....paralyzing feel because i need to be powerless to his offering

I used to kill with non conformance and be steeled
To survive this life often

Reinvest in a life who's dividends have not got you there often

Worked so hard to survive
And now im questioning all it
I do the devils work
Im gods child and i spoil it

I am powerful beyond words and so scared i ignore it
The valley allowed me to lay around and be in the darkness
Because his light has always supported
Even when i felt u supported
When i recked myself and put my self in a bubble of no supportives

My levees of life have broken down
But im holding up for it
Life has smacked me down but i have never ignored it

Satiated the causes
Slamming all the doors you opened up for it

I cant see around or move my mouth to think peace will award it

The rapture is beginning
Are you ready to choose a side for it or ignore it?

Abba is my truth and he makes it rewarding

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Because i am the one who could"

Bet on this knowledge i need you to get often

I am a powerful enigma so satan will lean on me often

He will try to disrupt me often
He will try to destroy my strength often
He will try to turn me around from the road i have beating here and walked barefoot with bo shoes by making me embody

Constant

Detouring

My life is open to let you understand where this is going
Tend to the sheep and build so that our shepards ways are open

I constantly feel the choking
From not being open or
knowing where i am going or
how quick i will be going or
how disappointed i can be in slowing
relapsing the growing
only to reflect and be knowing

Only to except
Discombobulated flowing

My perception of things are not knowing...
There all knowing

My rights and dreams have been flowing
My light it seems is still growing
We can go back in things but the realization and eveidemce
makes alive and still growing

I will leave my heart open because the dark that thinks it can win will be surprised at the weight of the light it fights and tells  to cease growing

It appears in the end

Living in honor and finding honor are 2 different things.

I was lost and crushed and he changed my life

Perception is everything
He changed my life

Couldnt discover how much it hurt to live my life...drilled through the hard shell of me cutting off people in this life

Wanted all his knowledge because it raised my life

Pay attention to details because he taught me right

Ability to be in a free world and do whats right

All hope was given
By you in my life.

I made a decision to change hearts
like you did for my life

It was an end but the beginning of the road within my life

I have risen because the strength you gave me for my life

A student but a client
You helped me survive my life

I want to give thanks for you having helped develop my life
Whether you ever know it or not i need you to understand your hand was prevelant within this life

Im a better person because of you in my life
I love you dearly
You will be here forever through writing and having touched this life

I will never forget.....
How you changed my life

I love you Dr. T

Taxedermy

I feel stuffed
Life ripping out my internal organs
Propping me up so i adhere to its demands
Going through the motions of playing dead The mask in place
With all the fads we chase
The choices we make
The promises we break
The continuity we can lose in a second never to replace
The forgotton tools of reforming it all within a better space
Mind was in a better place
My mind used to be in a better place
 No paparazzi Anonymy is what makes you never see this face
Monogomy in a facetious way
Can't let the media and normalizing of violence lead the way
We need to pray
Never let the ends justify the means by this way
Never go back to the days of lethal way
Our children are dying
Yet yall motherfuckers still won't lead the way
Yall the reason why our kids are struggling and live to be this way
Grow up to be this way
Don't get mad at me I just say what we all want and need to say
Let him lead the way
You never can see this way
Unless you are smart and woke enough to see this wayl

Soul shaker

The lives we lead are challenged by the lives we led

No hope or judgement just what was the best for in our heads at that time and place

Memories pulled from the mind
That seemed forgotten over time
Held less semblance over time

Led less strenuous in my mind

The world is turning so jump on the amnemities
Of socrates
The embodiment of philosophies
That changes philosophical travesties

Create astronomical catastrophies

But still predict and hold the balance in

The balance within

Me

Not sure of what it held previously

But this continuously
Religiously
Building in me
Will never conform
Or be....

Witness

Its so funny

I take umbrage as a offended black
Afro-American pardon me
a
African-American pardon me
a
Negro pardon me
a
colored pardon me
a
house nigger pardon me
a
field nigger pardon me
a
slave pardon me
a
Inanimate object  for recreational and injustice pardon me
a
part of a tribe that will never be discovered
a
Fuck this no pardon me

"Stick and move, stick and move..." (Notorious BIG)

I remember the first thought that stuck to my brain...
I was 5. I was taught that I needed to understand I already had 2 strikes against me:

1. I was African-American
2. I was female

The other strike that should of placed me out was sickle cell anemia but we have more important things to discuss right now

I grew up in Bed-Stuy during the "War on drugs" era better known as the 80's crack epidemic. I used to think those vials that visually captured my mind with those tops in rainbow colors were things left by others for me to play with.

I witnessed the drug and alcohol abuse that went rampant amongst citizens behind closed doors. Not knowing or understanding til later(when I became a criminologist/social worker) it was another form of self medicating to not live life.

I witnessed the war on poverty dismantling neighborhoods, not caring about certain neighborhoods, the beginnings of explointing neighborhoods

I witnessed the struggles of the project life, food stamps and food pantries with that rock solid ass cheese, and white labeled cans.

I witnessed when violence became death, drugs becmae territorial war, color war, pit us against WAR.....

I witnessed the deprecation of the African-American woman, the demeaning and cruel aspects of being free but being a slave to man so not being free....but being free but having to give up my thought process to sooth your thoughts and make you my world

now you wonder why all women want to be independent and non dependent, non-conforming and lead their dreams onward...it's  okay you can keep assautling our hopes and dreams and the barriers we took to
and the reason we the most educated persons in this land as they see.....racism wasnt the only thing systematic

( http://iusedtohavetheblues.blogspot.com/2015/10/women-you-are-beautiful.html?m=1)

I witness the breakdown of the nuclear family

I witnessed the role of Rockefeller continuing to breakdown the nuclear family

I witnessed the take down of all the proud negros who had struggle to succeed in a free world
have that free world create systems
so in that free world they could struggle and never be free

I witness currently the repurcussions of leaving rehabilitation for incapacitation (I studied criminology for a reason)

I witness the lost of rights guarenteed as a USA citizen being stipped for mistakes made so the people most angry can't  vote, cant live in public housing you take my money for, cant get a job, cant get a life....go back to what got me locked up in the 1st place...

A whole new class of degenerates right...

Whoa....

SYTEMS OVERLOAD MUST REBOOT

I witnessed incarcerated individuals having the ability to learn and better themselves stripped away because violence needs to be in cycles or the prison business will be in peril

I witness families destroyed by housing 85%of NYC residents in upstate counties so they can garner more money on their census while we get programs cut and taken away...ahh that cycle again

I witness the hurt and loss and pain when you cant afford or have the means to travel 8hrs for a visit

I witnessed the creation of gangs to combat systems
only to be remade to kill their own systems only to be raised to "kill each system, we need praise..
honor and ego is all we have in this game" cycling the violence in systems

These waters run deep and if we can't open our eyes to see what has led us here and what has got us here...we still that african leading others to our villiage cuz we want to show them love. ..

society makes us trust no one

Now we trust no one

I know what prison looks like...it's a shame almost every other black kid lives this life

I witnessed the policies deepen to hurt
Society deepen to change
Societal measures that have created this game

Let the niggers kill each other
on play and repeat

I witness rascism...the snide comments,
the looks and stares when i accompany a white family

I witnessed that shotgun barrel on my head saying niggas aint welcome

I witnessed being chased off of blocks that said there is no room for niggers here

I remember being indentured servants and i get angry and mad

Because you rather question me on what is bad and what we have and not wanting to take a look back because your bubble allows you to not really feel so bad or feel so sad or real a relief of glad....

(we cant be trusted still..right)

And when they can ...I got a resolution

I witnessed man...these times are abominatims of what im witnessing man...
what i will see in front of me witnessing

Damn

I can't..can you?

When does it stop

Learn the appropriation and desecration of a culture  locked up in systematic and institutionalized rascism before you try to take cover

I grew up here...
you think you know but have no idea

Dont ask why im angry
ASK WHY IM ANGRY
TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY IM ANGRY

If you say nothing your just as guilty

This world for you may have have been rainbows and unicorns but for me

Its always been crazy....

#respeckthislane

King me

Inadvertantly i fell for it
Felt it exist
Silly i feel this is it
How can i know so soon
This might be legit

Im scrambled in shit
But we can make every mix
Take every hit
Be thankful for all this shit
Ease up to be tranquil in it

Is this a mirage cuz
I need to be prepared to be
Disappointed

It fits

Always disappointed and shit
Wrapping the blanket over me
to agree to imbibe in more of this shit

me im more substantial for this
Light, stars and a kiss

No need

King check

For his mate

Cuz he wants for this shit

To be

Or not to be

Fuck it we can handle this shit

No need for a past
This is now lets advance off this rip
Advance to live in
Advance to be in

Our infatuatuous anomly
Is the cause for this shit

Check mate

Tragic

Life snuffed
But im born to corrupt
This story of a life gone is more than enough
Violence and non empathy has been more than enough
I light the candle but the darkness seems to be brighter than enough
Im a change of life founder
How can i get my message higher
Death and death and forgottiness
This is our trancedance
Why cant we come together to end this

As far as it can go
The world is hiding in the shadows i cant let this shit go
I wont let this shit go..
I fall to my knees praying that god can bring me to the know

I cry inside because outside i need to be stronger than you can know

Life

Prayers from brooklyn
Simplistic trash
Perpendicular of my rag
This death swag
has my health bad

My worth is not counted by unwanted measures
We dying in this desert
But that water on the horizon is not a quick fix
It's just a mirage it seems

Love on earth can conquer all things
We all are worthy to conquer more things
Create more dreams
Relate to ALL BEINGS

This earth needs a reboot
This world needs to recoup
We need to recognize truths and pop those bubbles around you

Complacent in an ever flowing symphony of blood
We different on the outer but we all look the same in the inner
Just my own
juxtaposition

Y'all never listen
Why can't yall listen
What will it take for us to listen?

To each other..we may be black or white but we are beutral because we bleed the same colors
Cry for our brothers
Hold faith for our mothers

Ancestors lead a life from suffering just to discover
How better now we have to suffer

Lost and found in zion

The beat of my heart
Encapsulates my mind
I want to embark on this journey
But am left unsure by your responses

My conscious becomes bitter nonsense
Trying to rationalize your incontinence
Wanting to indulge in your horizen
Wanting to grow within us to build these mountains

Breaking of barriers or walls
I fall forward thinking about the past leaves me stricken with fear and not knowing how to move forward

Im a horder of my own dreams
Scared to pull the trigger
So i grieve in what is not
Make plans to be forgot
Push myself further in isolation
Because my defense of self is all thats left that i got

I should of told you sooner

I wanted it too.....